If You Own a Subaru, Fuck You


Why is that every time I see a Subaru, it's being piloted by someone that's any combination of asshole, "educator", and environmentalist? It wouldn't be so bad if they would at least keep their bullshit ideas and opinions to themselves, but they never goddamn do. It seems to me that every Subaru sold comes shipped with a brace of annoying factory-standard bumper stickers, parroting any number of limp-dicked statist catch-phrases.

Now it's true that bumper sickers are always annoying. Nobody will try to deny that. I had a bumper sticker once about loving dick, since that's basically what you're saying with any of them, and why beat around the bush?

But this is an entry about Subarus, now isn't it?

Subaru drivers also tend to come with two settings: Shitty or Annoying. If they aren't barreling down on you at 15+mph over the speed limit and tailgating you for miles (those children at the elementry school aren't going to indoctrinate themselves), then they're holding up all traffic behind them because they've decided to take it easy at half speed.

Of course, almost everyone who drives one is a woman, so maybe that's where the real issue lies, AM I RIGHT FELLAS? EHHH?

I can't remember where I was going with this. Bottom line, Subarus suck and so do the people who drive them.