Fuck Black History Month

2009-02-10

First thing's first:

Black History Month is BULLSHIT.

Seriously now... do we need an entire month? You could fit everything important enough to memorialize into like, three days, max. And really, since we already have a MLK Jr. day, that cuts it down to two.

I'm just trying to be economical here, folks. And look at it like this: No job in the world is going to give you a whole month off to celebrate, but if we turned it into two extra days (say, one for black inventors, and another for Tupac or something)? You bet your ass we'd get those off.

"Oh boy, it's Tupac day tomorrow, we get to stay home, yaaay!"

Unless you're the punk po-lice, that is. If that's the case, then fuck you, you get to work. And by work, I mean be a huge pain in the ass by writing bullshit tickets and stealing people's cars. On Tupac day of all days!? HAVE YOU NO HEART?



...anyway, I realize that there are a few people out there who just like to have pointless month-long celebrations for no reason. I'm not trying to be the bad guy here, so I've already come up with a more than worthy replacement for black history month:


STABBING WESTWARD IS FUCKING AWESOME month, or SWIFA month for short. See how much easier that is to pronounce, and spell? And what's more, they released four albums, one for every week. It's like... destiny.


Week One: Ungod Week







This week is slightly less industrial than the week to follow, though roughly equally as industrial as the week to follow that. Activities will include being an angry, jilted lover.


Week Two: Wither, Blister, Burn and Peel Week (or WBBP week for short)





This week is the most industrial week of all, and what a wonderful week it is. Activities include drinking yourself into a coma, with brief periods of cutting yourself and sobbing into your pillow.


Week Three: Darkest Days Week






This is easily the best week for all of SWIFA month, and indeed, is just a goddamn awesome week in general. Activities include killing yourself.


Week Four: Self-Titled Week






This week has, by far, the faggiest... er, week cover. If you're a spoilsport and didn't partake in last week's activities, this week's agenda clearly lists reminiscing on love lost and moving on with your life.



So there you have it, folks. A suitable replacement for this tired, out-moded and racist Black History month, practically gift-wrapped and thrown right in your faces. You're welcome.