Fuck Yo Cloud Nigga

2011-09-07

Google's Chromebook is bullshit, as is everything relating to 'the cloud'. I don't think I need to go on, but I will anyway.

The first reason it's bullshit is the obvious one. What happens when you don't have an internet connection and yet, craziest of things, still want to use some software? Relying on third-party solutions for basic shit is ridiculous. It's a waste of resources all around. Do you honestly need an always-on internet connection to edit some fucking text files? Really? What does your $300 piece of hardware become if you're sans internet or using it during a power outage?

This is ignoring the fact that web apps, even when they're good, are pretty shit compared to native apps. Sorry, it's true. Even the very best. Gmail? Yeah, it's great... for a browser-only interface, it's wonderful. But compared to Thunderbird (or... Alpine), it's slow and feels unresponsive as all fuck. The only thing it does better - arguably, at that - is search. Hell, if I have even a basic idea of what I'm looking for, Thunderbird wins again in that department. I haven't used Outlook or Windows Live Mail or any of those for quite a long-ass time, but I bet they win as well, as does Evolution, Claws Mail, etc.

Again, as far as web interfaces go, Gmail is really quite good. I remember trying to use some webmail shit a while ago, powered by... 'squirrelmail' or something. I can't recall. My university used it, and it came with my own site by default as well, and man does it suck. It's usable, but unpleasant. I really had no choice but to use a client.

So other than a poor user experience and the very obvious flaw of needing an always-on connection (something which isn't quite so disadvantageous when talking about email, admittedly), what else sucks about the cloud? Well, there's the dependence factor. What happens if you're a moron who decides to store all your music on Amazon's music cloud thing, whateverthefuckit'scalled, and they decide to close shop after years of the MAFIAA giving them shit? What happens if you piss off Google by using a pseudonym on G+ and they shut you out of your Gmail account forever? This is assuming you've never backed up any of your email. All your music on Spotify/Grooveshark/whatever? Sucks for you when they're sued out of existence.

Of course, to many people a lot of this stuff isn't so bad. Most of these are free or cheap, so what's the big deal if it goes away? Not a point I agree with, but it's a view that I can understand. A lot of this stuff is just popcorn entertainment anyway. Do I really need to listen to Genghis Tron more that a couple times a year? Yes I do.

But why rely on corporations to feed you everything? Computers are just tools (more or less), sure, but since when is not knowing how to use your equipment a good thing? Don't pretend that you're just 'so busy' that you can't spend five minutes learning how to use shit. You're watching goddamn cat videos all day on YouTube and listening to $LAME_HIPSTER_FLAVOR_OF_THE_WEEK_COLLEGE_BAND, you're not a goddamn 'working man' technician or professor or whatever. Learn how to use your shit.

Now, don't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying you should nerd way the fuck out like me and start using moded text editors (although actually I do recommend it because Vim is badass). I'm just saying that you should take a little bit of time to learn and fend for yourself. Stop selling your independence for convenience. You're being trained to love the gruel because it's free and on-demand. There are other, better options out there.