Anna / Sexiness

2011-08-01

A few days ago, I dreamt of a friend's ex-girlfriend. Namely, Rick's ex, Anna. While there was a moderate sexy quotient in the dream, it wasn't quite the normal fare. I will elaborate. The dream consisted almost entirely of myself sitting in front of a computer reading the comments section on a non-specific social networking site. Actually, I was reading the comments attached to one of Anna's pictures; my attention was likely drawn by the fact that there were so damn many comments, I would assume. The bulk of the comments were between two people, Anna and Matt. The content of their banter consisted mostly of them making fun of me, for whatever reason. There were probably 40 or 50 comments, all of them similar in nature and at my expense. Anna's friend Sly was also present, though her contribution to the comments section was minimal.

Normally a comments section like that would be the main draw of a dream, but this particular comments section was, as stated, happening on one of Anna's pictures. I really do mean 'on', as well; the comments were in little bubbles that were overlaid atop (in front of) the photograph. The picture itself was what provided this dream its 'sexy quotient'. Anna was smiling and eating either Pumpkin Pie or pizza (80% sure it was Pumpkin Pie), wearing a sunflower dress and a kakhi 'farmer hat'.

She was lying on a big pile of hay and her dress was pulled up to just above her stomach, wearing nothing else beneath. Completely nude except for a pair of strategically placed gardening gloves, she was shaved clean top to bottom and spread-eagle. It was almost the closest a photograph could get to being pornographic without technically crossing the line, and that frustrated me greatly.

Another one of the pictures in her gallery was also farm-related (don't ask me why). It was an art thing she was doing with photography. The picture was a close-up photograph of a fallen scarecrow... sort of. The top half of the scarecrow was indeed a typical scarecrow, but the bottom half was that of a woman, again nude and this time battered. She (it) was lying on its side in a field of ravished - or maybe even burned - corn husks, legs together and trying to curl into a fetal position, which evidentally is difficult when you're half-scarecrow. She had the shaft of a wooden pole jammed quite far and uncomfortable up her vagina, presumably a broomstick or whatever it is that people use to prop scarecrows on. The photo was sort of a glory shot of this subject, not shying away at all from the sorta hot violence of it.


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There were a couple of other dreams from earlier that same night. One was pretty boring: I was driving along Farmer's Loop (hmm.... Farmer's....) and listening to music, all while trying very hard not to fall asleep. By and large, the attempt was a failure and I ended up sleeping for quite a lot of the drive, somehow magically never crashing once. That was the entire dream, and it lasted for about an hour. I was listening to familiar music, singing along to it and being fantastically bored by it.

The other might not have been boring, but I can't remember very much of it. Again, Anna was involved, as were a couple of other people that I can't remember. One was a guy, and one was a woman. We were all in a high-rise condo in Manhattan (I assume), which belonged to the unidentified woman. Anna and I spent most of our time just looking out across the skyline and down into the city, which we had to be at least forty of fifty stories above. I recall us being suitably impressed, though the mystery woman seemed aloof about it all.

I don't remember anything about the man in the dream. I think he was roughly our age, and I'm pretty sure that I didn't care for him much - though that doesn't narrow things down very well. The woman I remember more of.

She was tall, slender, pale skin with long black hair and delicate features. She was wearing a dark gown or 'woman's business attire' or something, I'm not sure. I never saw her face, only ever seeing her stare out through her giant windows towards the horizon and setting sun, hardly moving a muscle the entire dream.

The apartment was white and there was a bed along the left wall, facing out through the window like everything else. I sat down and lay back upon the bed, and the dream ended shortly thereafter when Anna sat down next to me, both of us looking at our host with growing concern.



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Last night - or sometime in the last 48 hours at least - I had a few other dreams. One of them was a bit strange, and the other was fucking awesome.

The first was a dream where I was returning to campus. I should use 'returning' in quotes since the place I was going was basically all-new to me, but I got a distinct 'returning' vibe from the dream, and who am I to argue with dream vibes? I was a bit younger, a bit thinner and dressed a little differently than normal, but otherwise I was basically the same ol' me as always. Maybe my dream was trying to make me feel like I was 20 again, I don't know.

I spent about the first half of the dream walking along cement bike trails that ran parallel to an expressway, trying to find a bus stop. I eventually did find it, though it was in a too-small tunnel that ran beneath the highway and didn't logically connect to anywhere that a bus could go, let alone lead to campus. Nonetheless, I was certain that was the place, and after waiting for about ten minutes I was proven right.

Somehow the bus fit in the tunnel, and when it had come to a stop the driver opened the door and motioned for me to come inside. It was a short bus (LOLOL), more of a shuttle really, and there were only a few other people inside it, basically faceless individuals that I can't recall anything about other than at least one was wearing a hoodie like myself.

I found a seat and made myself comfortable, behind the driver with the bus door to my right. After driving around the impossibly-thin bike trails and on top of handrails (that bus really got around), it came to a stop in front of a park bench where a young family was awaiting - a father, a mother and their infant child who was strapped into a baby's car seat. The parents were each in the mid-to-late 20s.

After coming to a full and complete stop, the driver opened the door and, in a knowing tone, told me, "You know what to do." And indeed I did, because at that moment I pulled a laser-shooting tommygun out of my backpack and murdered the now-terrified young family with it. None of them even made it all the way off the bench before they were all dead. The 'rounds' of laser shot tore through the infant and its car seat to such an extent that there was nothing left of by the end, other than gore and broken bits of plastic. The parents faired better aesthetically, but were still almost unrecognizable when they finally fell to the ground, riddled with burning holes and gushing bodily fluids.

Our grim work done, I put the carbine back into my bag and the driver closed the door, driving onward to the university. We got there, I left the bus and went to class like nothing happened. That was the end of the dream. The next dream was quite a bit goofier, and much more entertaining for myself.

Not including myself, there were three main actors in this dream: My friend Rick M., Spoony (spoonyexperiment.com), and Obscurus Lupa (twitter.com/obscurus_lupa). All of us worked in a very small office area, maybe as tech support or something, I'm not sure. Thing was, we were also (apparently) part of the Rebel Alliance, and we would occasionally have to do battle with the Federation. There were no stormtroopers though, it was just the dudes with British accents and grey uniforms. They'd walk in, all official and apparently not expecting a fight, and all of us (Me, Spoony and Lupa) would just completely fucking curb stomp them. Lasers became involved at one point, but I think that by then the dream had become too awesome to maintain and I woke up.

I don't remember Rick being too involved, other than running around and getting coffee for everyone, including the Federation officers. At one point, he put some coffee into a wooden microwave. In fact, I think that's what finally woke me up. "A wooden microwave? Preposterous! This must in fact be a dream." And so it was.