ESR and Fran Drescher

2013-01-13

There are a few dreams I'd like to record in this entry, so I'll go from least interesting to most interesting. Because I'm an asshole.

The first 'dream' (actually a small group of similar dreams) is all about food. To provide some context, I've been dieting for about a week, maybe ten days. It's the Keto diet because it seems logical and possible for me to do.

Now, there's plenty to like about this diet. Actually, I mostly just like it because it allows me to continue eating good hamburger. However, there's also something to dislike: very, very few carbs. 20g per day or fewer is my goal. The point of this is to induce (or maintain as the case may be) ketosis, which gets rid of fat pretty quickly, and the relatively high amounts of protein help you to maintain muscle mass as well.

There are side effects, none of which I've experienced yet, so I may not be doing it correctly. However, I've still had to cut a majority of what I like out of my life to fit this diet. All pastas, all fast foods, hamburgers with buns, pizza, anything breaded or with batter, etc.. I'm basically down to red meat, eggs and salad. With the exception of a diet Pepsi that I drank yesterday (that was my weekly 'cheat', at least until I can figure out how to 'cheat' properly on this diet), I've had nothing to drink but water, coffee and tea.

Now, to some people, this might not seem like such a big deal. Hell, even for me, I'm getting pretty used to it. I'm not a 'foodie' so it doesn't break my heart to eat damn near the same thing every day for a week. What I do miss way more than I thought I would is fast food. I miss it enough that I'm literally beginning to dream about it. One of the dreams I had last night just involved me sitting in a car, eating Carl's Junior. I don't eat in cars when I can avoid it, and Carl's Junior might be one of my least favorite burger joints in town, but goddamn it was heaven. Fries, a big drink, and a burger. Everything, man. It was great.

Another dream was me eating the 'fallen fries' out of an otherwise empty McDonald's bag, and after that, I went on to a pizza.

The funny thing is, I'm not dying for this stuff while I'm awake. I want it, but it's not like I have to leave the room in tears if someone else is making a pizza or something. But in that only semi-conscious state, I think I would have sucked someone's dick off for some McNuggets.

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The second dream I'd like to write about is one that I had a few days ago, maybe close to a week. There wasn't a hell of a lot to it, really, other than that it felt pretty real. Not as real as some of the romantic ones, but nearly so, and certainly a lot more realistic in a manner of speaking. It involved myself and two other men, one being Eric S. Raymond and the other being a man who I didn't recognize at all.

I had recently gotten a job in another university lab somewhere, except this time it was more than just tech support, it was writing code. Other things too, perhaps (like research), but primarily coding. The only other two people who worked there were ESR and the other guy.

With enough (brief) research you should get an idea of what ESR is all about and what he looks like, so I'll describe the other guy.

The other fellow was an older gentleman, probably in his 60s or late 50s, maybe as old as 70. He had thinning white hair and glasses, was a bit skinny, and wore a sweater in the lab. He seemed to be the guy who deals with newbies, since he was my primary contact while I was there (not that ESR wasn't friendly enough, but he seemed busy) and showed me around the lab a little bit.

It was a pretty nice place, but not the type of place where you'd expect to find two famous hackers (both ESR and the older guy, even if I didn't know his name) working. It was the sort of lab you'd find in a high school or a university, one that's open to the general public and the student body at large. No special equipment, a lot of computers lined up in rows, the works. The only difference is that these boxes had Linux installed on them instead of Windows.

The lab was dark, lit only by the monitors of those computers being used. It was a fairly pleasant atmosphere, really, but there was one glaring problem: I had no idea what the fuck to do. This became the theme of the dream, me walking around and pestering ESR and the other guy for direction. I didn't know what I was supposed to be working on, I didn't know what they were working on, and I didn't even know what the overall 'goal' of my employment was, other than that I was a programmer / researcher. Without even trying, I was miles over my own head.

The dream ended about when I'd resolved to just fuck around on Facebook or whatever for the rest of my shift.

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The third dream is maybe the most interesting, and also the most recent since I had it right before waking up.

I walked upstairs to my living room, as I will do from time to time, and I noticed that a couple of friends and family members were gathered around my father's chair. In the chair sat not my father, but Fran Drescher (from the show 'The Nanny').

This would have been interesting enough, but even more intriguing was the fact that she was nude from the waist down. Everyone was staring and talking about this, because she was very clearly showing off. It was almost a sort of side-show thing, and they motioned me over to have a look. Being a good sport, I obliged and quickly became even more surprised.

Between this woman's legs was a thing not unlike a vagina, but still decidedly not one -- or at the very least, a very odd one. When closed, it could pass for a vagina (if a slightly odd one), but when it was spread open it was something else. The best way to describe it is to imagine a vagina crossed with a small living creature. Imagine if the chest-burster from Aliens was embedded between a woman's legs, and everything about it was soft, moist and fleshy like a regular vagina. It had no eyes and no teeth, but seemed to have a mouth and certainly excreted quite a lot of 'drool' (vaginal fluid). It wasn't protruding or anything like that, but rather than a vaginal opening or a clitoral hood, it had a soft, pliable 'mouth' and what seemed to be a pink, fleshy brow where its eyes would have been.

One of my friends (I don't know who, and probably wouldn't recognize the person, but the dream told me it was a friend) had accepted her invitation -- or dare -- to touch her 'vagina'. He ran a finger across the outside of it, along her labia majora, and the entire thing began to quiver and 'drool' at his touch. Fran's face displayed a quick flash of pleasure, but it passed almost instantaneously and very quickly, almost as soon as it had started, the beast that was her vagina ceased to move. All of this freaked the guy out and he backed away.

Fran looked over to me, since I had just entered the room, and beckoned me forth with an index finger. She asked if I'd like to give it a try in that nasally voice of hers, and since I was as curious as I am perverted, I had no choice but to accept. She hooked her arms beneath her knees and pulled her legs back, her ankles nearly behind her head, and I sat down on my knees in front of the chair.

This animalistic vagina of hers seemed to sense my presence, maybe disturbed by my breathing, and began to twitch before I had even touched it at all. I took a nice, deep breath, savoring the smells produced by this woman and her utterly unique vagina, and began to slowly stroke my finger along the outer rim of this thing's pink, wet maw.

Immediately, it started to thrash around again -- as much as a vagina creature can, at any rate -- and its 'mouth' was opening and closing as it seemed to desperately grasp at the air for something phallic. I kept up the motion of my finger and it continued to quake, producing more and more fluid that ran out from between Drescher's legs and down the leather chair. I noticed that some of this fluid was coming from its 'brow', as well; it was weeping tears of ecstasy.

Fran started to moan, and by this point everyone else in the room was so put off by the strangeness of this event that they left (or maybe they just got bored). Of course, I hadn't come all this way just to play with the outside of her monstrous pussy, so I summoned my courage and plunged my index finger deep into the writhing crevasse that was Fran Drescher's living cunt.

Fran shot back in the chair like someone had just put ten thousand volts through her, and her vagina gripped my finger as if there were another person inside her wearing a glove made from her pussy who was giving my finger a handshake. I'm not using hyperbole here, either. It would have taken a lot of effort to get my finger back from that thing, as it had no intention of letting go just yet.

Her vagina creature's mouth went to town on my finger, sort of sucking on it, but mostly trying to eat it (ineffectually of course). It actually felt very good, or at least I imagined it would if it was my penis instead of my finger. This creature, made out of Fran Drescher's vagina, was accidentally giving me the best finger-blowjob imaginable. It was having quite a lot of fun doing this, as well, and Fran seemed to have no complaints either.

I continued playing around with it a bit, prodding it and generally just fingering Fran Drescher for a while. The chair and floor below it were absolutely soaked with the fluids spewing forth from Fran Drescher's cunt by this point, as was my hand and part of my arm. Eventually I got tired of playing with her in this way -- I didn't want to get my pants too wet and my finger had gone pruny as if I'd left it soaking in water -- so I stopped, her pussy monster very reluctantly letting go of my finger. It seems that Fran had some control over it after all.

Of course, I wasn't quite done with her as far as I was concerned, but I had things to attend to (I guess?). I stood up, leaned over the chair and told Fran to meet me in my room later that night, because I very much intended to put my dick in that thing of hers. She had a surprised and grateful look in her eyes, as if nobody else even wanted to touch her because of this thing, and nodded her assent before lowering her legs back into a normal sitting position. I walked away with a boner of steel, praying that the dream would last long enough for me to actually fuck Fran Drescher and her crazy vagina, which of course means that I then immediately woke up.